You Are Not A Possession

Woman taking a mans independence

You Are Not A Possession……….Sometimes relationships take a turn for the worst when abuse becomes involved.

I’m not talking about outright hitting or verbal abuse, I’m talking about the possession of your partner.  A relationship should be about sharing your life with another person, not owning every move they make.  When your partner demands certain things of you that invades your privacy or makes you question your actions you’ve veered into dangerous territory.  Sometimes you need to stop and look around and decide whether or not this relationship is good for you.


There are classic signs of a possessive relationship.

You need to keep your eyes peeled for these signs and act accordingly if you find yourself in a dangerous relationship. First, the green monster of jealousy is the key sign to realizing you’re in a possessive relationship.  If your partner is irrationally jealous it could lead to all sorts of dangerous behavior.  Your partner could start accusing you of flirting, and demand to know where you are at all times.  Sometimes they are even jealous of the time you spend with family and friends.  A jealous partner could start making excessive phone calls to check and see where you are.   In the most extreme case, jealousy can lead to a possessive partner spying on you, or dropping in on you at unexpected moments.  An overly possessive partner will begin making unwarranted accusations.  Along the same lines as jealousy, an abusive partner will make accusations that you’re flirting with strangers.  They’ll even start to accuse you of cheating on them without any proof or viable suspicion.


They will also start to tell you how you should dress or how you should act.

If you don’t comply they’ll become irrationally angry.  Trying to reason with a possessive partner doesn’t do much.  They are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings and will be frustrated if your actions don’t line up with theirs.  You need to watch out for unexpected outbursts made by your partner.  An overly possessive person will make you feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them.  If you find yourself tip-toeing around your partner hoping they don’t yell at you for any reason, you’re in a dangerous relationship.  Your partner could also use name-calling and intimidation to get you to do what they want.  This is extremely abusive, and you shouldn’t stand for it.


If you find yourself in the midst of a possessive relationship you can always change your situation. 

The first thing you should do is gauge the level of abuse you receive from your partner, and determine whether or not a simple conversation can change their behavior.  Tell your partner to drop the possessiveness, or you will end the relationship.  Be careful not to sound too harsh. You partner might react in a harmful way.  I suggest you take time away from the relationship and evaluate your partner’s behavior.  If your partner has ever harmed you in any way take photographic evidence of the abuse.  It doesn’t matter if your partner is a man or a woman, physical abuse is wrong and you should take legal action.  If the relationship is, in fact, abusive plan your exit ahead of time with family or friends you trust.  Have a safe place to go right after the breakup.  When breaking up with your partner, if they are abusive, you don’t owe them any sort of respect.  You could leave them a note, give them a call, or break up in a public place.  Do not try to end the relationship in private.  You could end up in a dangerous situation, or your partner might manipulate you to stay.


After you’re out of the possessive relationship to take some time to yourself.

If your partner was setting unrealistic boundaries and limitations on you, now’s your chance to experience life the way you want.  You are not an object for someone to possess.  You are a wonderful person who deserves to be loved for who you are and given the freedom to be who you want to be.  You deserve to be with someone like that. End the abuse, and do what’s right for you.