Many things have changed in the new millennium, including sleeping preferences. Throughout the decades, we were subservient creatures and did what was expected of us, never daring to break the mold. Heaven forbid a woman preferred to sleep in her own bed! For those women who love to cuddle with their partner throughout the night and waking up with them in the morning, “great!” On the other hand, many prefer their separate sleeping quarters.
After chatting with a few ladies well over their honeymoon stage, I’ve listed a few reasons why the second option overrules!
Loud Obtrusive Snoring
I’ve tried every brand of earplugs money can buy but to no avail! My partner’s nasal passages have contributed to my falling asleep during business meetings, I’ve developed significant bags under my eyes, and was becoming virtually cranky. I often relate back to watching the Flintstones and can visualize the vibration of Fred’s every breath; thereby, causing the drawers to open and shut poses as a good example.
Hell, there have been nights where I’ve fantasized squeezing my pillow over his face: therefore, the inviting, quiet room down the hall has left me no other option.
The Nuclear Blast
My partner has no consideration and won’t curtail his diet! I’ve been woken up by wind passing out of his behind louder than a trumpet. Whew! As if the noise wasn’t enough, the smell was worthy of a fumigation squad. For that matter, the sheets can be unforgiving as well!
It would take a gas mask to shield me from waking up to my loved one’s foul lama breath! To add fuel to the fire, wanting to have sex before getting up to brush his teeth and lord only knows a good round of mouth wash is by no means acceptable!
If I didn’t know better, I swear my husband was related to the skunk. Many women complain that after sex their man rolls over with no desire to cuddle. “How I wish that was my problem! Have you ever tried to spend the night with a chronic sweater? Upon falling asleep, the perspiration flows from his body like a leaky faucet, and the sheets become soaked with his sweat. Needless to say, he stinks. Aside from the fact that my laundry cart is on overload, I prefer clean dry sheets. FYI, we now have twin beds just like the old sitcoms and are living happily ever after!
Pop Goes the Thermometer
I often believe that the terminology “Women are from Venus and Men are From Mars” has validity. I cannot sleep without snuggling under the covers and opt for the AC. My partner refuses to comply and complained about wasting energy and so the battle began. We used to have the same tired argument during the winter when I opened the window to enjoy some fresh air. After tireless, ongoing bickering, lover boy came up with the brilliant idea that I move to the guest room. Guess who took up residence there? “WOMEN RULE!”
Not everyone is required to get up with the birds. My work schedule as a freelancer allows me the option to sleep in and I choose to take advantage of that luxury. As a matter of fact, I have never been an early riser, and as a light sleeper am fully dependent upon a prescribed substance. Furthermore, I don’t comply with wifely duties at 6 AM, nor do I want to join my hubby in retiring for the night when my favorite shows are being aired. I feel I’ve earned this freedom of choice after years of taking care of a husband and children. “Making coffee and cooking breakfast is available for your most capable hands my darling!”
The Horny Toad
“OMG, enough is enough!” My mate wants to have sex every time he gets up to visit the loo, and again in the morning AFTER a night of what I consider fulfilling sex. I can’t relax without a groping hand over my boob or crotch. The mere thought of his octopus tentacles and overactive testicles can be a bit much on any given day. “Sex and the City” has nothing over me!