Living For the Man: Taking Back Our Pleasure

It’s no big secret that our culture promotes sex revolving around the pleasure of a man. That final release in porn videos, movies, and other forms of media signify a job well done on the woman’s part in pleasing her man as if it some sort of accomplishment to be celebrated, rather than a natural part of human interaction and relationships.

Although this may not seem like a problem on the outside because the majority of women enjoy porn just as much as men do, the underlying message of these steamy scenes needs to be addressed in order for women to take back their pleasure from the man.

Especially, considering the clitoris has twice the number of nerve endings as the head of the penis. That’s probably something you didn’t learn in sex-ed! The truth is, women are designed to feel pleasure in the sheets. So why are men taking the spotlight from us in mainstream sexual media?

Thankfully, the fight for sexual equality has escalated over the past few years with victims of sexual assault calling out their abusers via the #MeToo Movement, as well as women pushing for the same rights and privileges as men in all aspects of life; especially in traditionally male-dominated environments such as the workplace. 

The basis of this fight centers not around sex or genetic differences but around communication between genders; what women expect nowadays versus what they’re getting. Today, women are looking for solid and clear communication from men in bed, the workplace, and in daily conversation. They are looking to speak and be heard. Women want (and deserve!) their opinions to matter in the “Man’s World’ they are forced to live in. 

Women know that change is on the way, but they have to take action to make it happen. Here is what we do to reclaim our pleasure and promote our sexuality as more than just a f**k-doll for men to screw and climax from:

Tell Them What You Want

There is one reason and one reason only why you should tell your partner what you want and that is for your benefit and pleasure. Do not do it simply because you’ve heard that confidence is sexy. It is, but that’s not that point. The truth is, girl, it’s not hard to make a guy hard. So don’t worry about putting in that extra effort. Telling them what you want in bed is all about you. 

Speaking up during sex is empowering and can make you feel sexy. Though, of course, a lot of women feel shy talking in bed and letting their partners know what feels good or what they want to try, and that’s ok! If you are having trouble finding the words, try other hints such as moving their hands to places you want touched or moaning louder as they get close to that golden spot. 

Own Your Unique Sexuality 

Everyone has their own brand of sexuality. No two people are the same when it comes to how they communicate, feel, and enjoy in bed. And, although many of us feel self-conscious about our unique kinks and turn-ons, using them to empower your sexual experiences and create a bond with your partner can enhance your sex life dramatically. 

To own your sexuality, all you need to do is practice being present during sexual activity. Drop the modesty at the bedroom door and listen to your body so that you can translate your desires to your partner. If something isn’t turning you on, speak up! And, if something is totally turning you on, that’s something to let your partner know too. 

Touch Yourself

One of the most enjoyable ways to get to know what you like in bed and to take back your own pleasure is by touching yourself. Masturbation, once upon a time, seemed taboo, secretive, and kinky. But, now there are a million videos of women fondling themselves in front of the camera.

Unfortunately, this media is still directed towards men. It is not focused on the female pleasure, but rather the pleasure a man is getting through watching a small-waisted girl with double D’s stroking her clit. 

Ignore this garbage and touch yourself for you. Touching yourself allows you to explore what you like without the rush of a man begging to put it in. Challenge yourself to try new things and feel free to take ideas from the media around you. Just because it is directed towards men, doesn’t mean you can’t utilize it to help you discover new pleasures. 

Stop Overthinking Pleasure 

As women, we overthink. It’s a big part of our lives and even in the bedroom, it’s hard to escape. Oftentimes, women have trouble staying present during sex because, unlike men, who are a one-track mindset when they get hard, women can easily think about other things. We are natural multi-taskers. 

When it comes to overthinking pleasure…Don’t! This is not something that needs to be analyzed. Focusing on the five senses and the tingly sensations you get through stimulation will help you to stop overthinking your pleasure. Remember, no one is judging you when it comes to your kinks and if they are, they don’t deserve to be in your bed.

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