How to Help a Shy Woman Feel Comfortable in Bed……..Not everyone is a tiger in the bedroom, and some of us girls take longer to come out of our shells than others. Of course, there are some men who are just as self-conscious, but that’s a far less common occurrence! If you’re in a relationship where everything is going great–you can relax in each other’s company, you feel that you’re in sync–but things in the bedroom just aren’t heating up at the right pace, I have some advice that can get you get her past the awkward phase.
Shyness can be a result of any number of factors. Some women are just inexperienced–even into their late twenties–and just haven’t hit their groove yet. Sometimes the scars from a negative prior relationship are still present, and we need to regain our confidence. Or maybe we just haven’t met the right guy yet. It can take some women longer to blossom, but there are things that can help the process along.
If you’d like your partner to loosen up and enjoy a greater range of sexual pleasures, check out the following suggestions from a reformed delicate flower!
Never show impatience. Even though you may be dying to expand your repertoire in the bedroom, don’t show an already-shy girl that you’re less than satisfied. She will take it personally. She will probably suffer in silence (after all, she may feel that she’s done something wrong), and if your relationship does survive, your lack of patience and understanding will come back to haunt you.
Massage her. When your relationship is new (and even when it isn’t) and you sense that your GF lacks confidence, massaging her is an excellent way to get her to relax. Massages are sexual, but in a non-aggressive way. Make sure to take cues from her about what she wants and doesn’t want. If she wants you to stay away from specific body parts, respect that. Get a natural-smelling oil, and massage her feet, back, and anywhere else that she approves. As time goes on, you can bet that her list of green-light areas will get longer and longer.
Always respect her boundaries. If your girlfriend feels uncomfortable with anything you are doing, back off right away. She will soon see that she can trust you to respect all of her feelings, and she will become increasingly open to new things over time.
Tell her about your fantasies while you’re not having sex. Telling a shy woman your fantasies during sex can sometimes make her feel pressured, as though she has to do it right then, right there. If you tell her about your fantasies during more casual conversation, it will give her the space to get comfortable with said fantasy and to decide if it’s OK for her.
Be comfortable verbalizing what you want. If you know how to tell her what you like, it will give her the license to do the same. Phrase things in a way that makes them seem abstract and not like a direct proposition (“Whenever I fantasize about you doing X, I immediately go crazy.”) so that she knows it is optional. After seeing how comfortable you are with talking about your desires, she will start to follow suit.
Follow her lead. If a shy girl gets up the courage to tell you about her fantasies, it’s unlikely to be a casual or idle request, even though she may try to make it seem that way. Make sure to follow through on them with enthusiasm, and let her know how eager you are to make sure that she’s fulfilled. A caring woman will appreciate your generosity and will want to do the same for you.
Say her name while you have sex with her. Saying a woman’s name during sex makes the experience deeper and more personal for her. It shows her that you feel a bond with her and that she turns you on, which will give her a bigger stake in making sure that you feel satisfied.
Complement her on specific body parts. Men simply cannot relate to the way that many women agonize over perceived imperfections, however minor. Men tend to see and appreciate the whole package rather than getting wrapped up in details. For a woman who is insecure, repeatedly hearing that her body makes you swoon (especially parts that she might want to nip and tuck) can give her confidence to let loose.
Do it at her place. Shy girls are bound to feel more at ease in their own surroundings. To put a self-conscious woman at ease at your place, put a dimmer switch in your bedroom so that she can control what you do and don’t see!
Buy her lingerie. If you want to see her in something more daring, why not buy it for her yourself?
Encourage her to shop. Shopping is the cure for so many ills. Why not treat your girlfriend to a gift card at famed sex-toy shop Good Vibrations www.goodvibes.com/main.jhtml, which will give her an excuse to buy something she normally wouldn’t. The Good Vibrations website is a treasure trove of information and advice about sex toys and sex in general. All Good Vibrations orders are shipped in plain brown boxes with no identifying return address. You might be surprised at what she chooses–she may even surprise herself!
Watch others do it first. If there’s something a little outside her comfort zone that you are just bursting to do, try getting a video and watching others do it first. It may be just the thing she needs to get her over her hesitation!