Ever wonder if you should unfriend someone on Facebook? This article explains to you the top six Facebook friends you should unfriend immediately!Regardless of the degree to which you use social media (Facebook), whether it’s casually keeping up with old friends or waging full-blown public relations campaigns for yourself, your family, or your causes, chances are you have among your contacts a few toxic time-suckers that nobody needs to deal with.
You know who they are: the people capable of irritating you across network lines even though you can’t remember the last time you actually spoke to them or sometimes, who they even are. I’ve compiled a list of six commonly-found Facebook archetypes that no one will blame you for unfriending.
The Feed Jammer
Oh look! So-and-so has posted a photo on Facebook again! Oh, and another one! Wow, how many of these are there, and why do they show up in your feed individually?
Does this person not understand what an album is for (after all Facebook has this function for free!), or are they trying to create a giant block of photos that takes ten minutes to scroll past? If this sort of thing from the same person happens frequently, it might be in your best interest to unsubscribe to their posts if not unfriend them immediately!
If you like the photos, it’s a different story, but if you’re dealing with the kind of person who photographs everything and then posts all of them to Facebook, and they’re not a world-class photographer whose career you follow religiously, give them the boot.
The Drama Queen
A good first clue that someone in your friend’s list is a Drama Queen is repeated use of the word “haters.” This person believes that everyone is against them (yes, even those on Facebook), and she is not afraid to name and tag them while spelling out explicitly what they did to screw her over in her status updates.
These missives are often misspelled, frequently vicious, and end without fail in something about her beloved “haters.” Sometimes, these haters can be found arguing with her in her status updates, or starting a flame war with posts on their own page.
Drama Queens of both genders tend to stick together, so if your friends with one, you’re probably friends with a few. Unless you are actually interested in this person’s paranoid self-fulfilling prophecies and are absolutely sure you can stay out of the resulting fray, get rid of them.
You only met them once, maybe at a conference or through other friends, but it seems like you know everything about them due to their Facebook status. You know what they had for dinner. You know who came over and shared it with them. You know what color their poop was in the morning.
You know what cute thing their husband said about last night’s Revenge episode. You know that they just booked tickets for a cruise. You know that their great-niece’s cousin’s son-in-law’s nephew just had a baby, and you know that this baby has just taken its first steps.
You know when they come home drunk and morose because there will be a long rambling status update about how nobody cares about them. In short, you know way too much. If you’re not into Schadenfreude as a fairly serious hobby, do yourself a favor and put the Oversharer out to pasture.
“Hey! Can someone give me a ride to the airport at 3 AM this morning? It would be a huuuuge favor!” “Can someone come over and watch [my children] for three hours in the middle of the day so that I can go to the grocery store?” “Can you hire me for your next party?
I sell sex toys and stinky candles now!” “Does anyone have an extra Phillips head screwdriver lying around that I could use?” “Does anyone have the third season of Mad Men on DVD with the director’s cut? I’d really love to see it!” It never stops.
The Freeloader’s use of Facebook is almost purely for personal gain, and nothing is off limits if he/she thinks someone they know might possibly step forward with whatever it is they’ve decided she needs today. You’re not her friend; you’re on his/her long list for people to ask special favors from!
If your Facebook friendship lasts six months without you responding to any of his/her SOSs, prepare to have them unfriend you. Beat her to it; this person is a pain in the ass.
This is the acquaintance whose mother never taught them that it’s impolite to discuss politics socially. Their social network page reads like a propaganda booklet one might find at anti- or pro-something rally – something everyone has a strong opinion on.
No opinion is stronger, though, than that of the Pundit. This person will post a long article about why working on Wall Street is like prostitution, or the various ways that abortion violates the law of God, or why eating meat is akin to murder.
These incendiary ideas will usually be accompanied by an equally provocative article or video from a like-minded thinker, and the Pundit will get really mad at anyone who admits that they haven’t watched the video or read the article should they dare to comment on this status update.
Even if you don’t mind playing the politics game around a poker table or in line for the movies, there are some very good reasons not to indulge in this kind of thing on Facebook – your comments and participation could end up revealing far too much about you to a potential employer or the parents of one of your kids’ friends.
There’s a reason your mother always said it’s not polite to discuss politics socially, and if you find yourself strongly tempted by The Pundit, do yourself a favor and remove them before they get you into trouble.
The Imaginary Friend
Wait. Do you know this person? Have you ever even seen them before? Not sure? UNFRIEND. If you don’t know them, you don’t know what they want with you, and people can be fucked up. Facebook is great in the fact it allows you to control who is on your friends list and who isn’t.
Always remember you have the option to unfriend on Facebook. This article only explains six different types of friends you should IMMEDIATLY unfriend!
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